Ikea, Easter Monday

Think of a shop where you are LEAST likely to part with your hard-earned cash. Located in a place you can only get to by car. Then find the car park is full. The store is laid out in such a way that you have to zig-zag through the entire floor to find what you want. Admitting that the layout is confusing, there'll be signs that say "Find your way" and maps that only add to your confusion. All the items will be in a language that has no resemblance to any other language on earth. Add hoards of slow moving people, at least one screaming child every 5 metres, a coffee shop or two that is too under-staffed to serve the 20 minute queue, let alone clear its own tables, and you've got IKEA on Easter Monday. Which is where I am right now.

(Incidentally a child has just walked past me saying "Mummy, I HATE this place.")

So why is IKEA the world's most successful home furnishings retailer? I can understand the great British public putting up with the most appalling customer experience, but why French, the Americans and the Japanese?

How come IKEA can break just about every rule in the book and still come up trumps? My guess is: pseudo-designer product, at an untouchable price and a brand that seems to convince people that the terrible experience is trivial in comparison to the Nordic transformation your lifestyle will go through once you get that Kloppi bookcase home to your 2 bedroom flat in Croydon. Brilliant Nordic light will stream through your window blinds. Your living room, once small and pokey, will feel light, well-organised, uncluttered and revelling in its new found simplicity. It will be filled with attractive-ish, well-groomed people with names like Tord, Astrid and Jens, who will look great as they smile in their black roll-necks, gently relaxing on your new Abstrakt sofa. Yes, life will feel good.

So what IKEA are selling is no different from any other upmarket furniture store - the dream of a designer lifestyle. They are just doing it at a price for the masses.

So where does that leave customer experience? Sadly, for now, it's almost irrelevant. Until, a competitor comes along to sell designer dreams at proletariat prices, IKEA can let the customer look after itself. If you've ever seen the way people behave at the Harrods sale, you'll know that if it's cheap enough, "experience" really doesn't come into it...